“Marriages are made in heaven”, but settled on Earth via matrimonial service providers – well, not always – sometimes the experience is to the contrary. Recalling from my experiences ranging from downright hilarious to hair-raising, I relate an event to throw some light on the efficacy of finding a match through matrimonials.
First comes the tough task of reducing one’s identity to a word limit that suits one’s budget, and make no mistake, for the fair gender the vital statistics stretch beyond the right curves – the girl should have the right complexion, the right height, the right width, the right attitude, the right academic degree, the right religious inclinations, the right time of birth, the right culinary skills, and the right set of teeth to the right height of heels.
After short-listing a prospective groom on the basis of factors ranging from the size of his paunch to the receding hairline, from the droop of his moustache to his height (this is relevant for the girl) and the bank balance he sports (the parents’ concern) and an archaeological survey of his family’s history, the matter proceeds further.
The two parties assemble, each assessing the other minutely and with complete absence of – discretion! The guy in question is a Captain in the army – so far so good.
Then the ordeal begins – the boy’s father starts hurtling a series of questions about studies, career, ethics, and morals – all hypothetical in the extreme. For instance, in one breath I was asked if I would mind keeping my head covered and occasionally observe “purdah”? And do I speak fluent English? To my increasing amusement he asked if I knew how to trace henna patterns on hand? And to put to my ease I was informed that the “boy” in question did it extremely well (eeks!). Meanwhile the boy asked if I could sing. I immediately denied, however, it was not acceptable with him insisting persistently that my voice revealed otherwise. Finally I couldn’t control myself and let the truth out – I said of course I sing but there is a slight problem with those who hear me plead that I should stop traumatizing others. This saved the day for me for upon hearing this they were shocked – not because I could not sing but at my audacity for cracking jokes.
The party immediately dispersed, and I thanked God for sparing me from being married to a dunce whose family never even thought of letting me know and question the boy.
The process of fixing an “arranged marriage” through newspaper columns has been a very heady mixture of pain in the neck as well as downright ridiculous. One is completely unaware of the people one is going to meet and it’s only a matter of chance that things click and a “deal” is made for the convenience of getting married. Certain existential questions always remain unanswered, and they forever are, because after marriage one has no choice left but live a life of compromise if one’s spouse’s behavior doesn’t meet expectations.
But a coin has two sides to it. Matrimonials can be a good medium to get married at the right time, at the right age and with most of the conditions being met – from the point of view of the marrying couple and that of the parents. And if the partners are happy with each other, there’s nothing like it. India has had a tradition of arranged marriages ever since ancient times. Then, it used to be old uncles and aunts as instruments for finding a suitable match. The newspapers have taken over today. We don’t have sweeping statistics of how well the papers are doing, or how effective the ads are for people in finding a partner because different people have different experiences. But what we hear most is that the boys’ side are ever the more demanding (cash or kind? They think they are the Kings of Convenience); indecent ways of getting out of the first meeting (how to say yes or no?); and the discomfort on the part of boy and girl to come to terms with each other.
All said and done, one should use the matrimonial columns at one’s own risk. God doesn’t keep a score of the hits and misses here on Earth, for He must be busy with the next version of Adam and Eve (and their protégé) taking care that there should be no bug left behind.
Weconscious has come up by combining two words “WE” & “CONSCIOUS”. Thereby meaning, we the people who ought to be conscious about our rights & duties. We Conscious is a pious effort to highlight, show, and educate people of the various monsterheads of corruption, moral degradation and gross civic negligence that are rampant in our society. It’s an effort to highlight the illegalities we suffer on day to day basis.
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
Its absolutely true. Most of the dowry related deaths in India are a cause of marriages occurring through newspapers. Since no one knows the truth of the alliance printed in newspapers, the truth may be concealed totally. Even if the groom is not earning, it may be said that he is earning in five figures. These columns are busy churning money for themselves, so nobody is bothered about the risk posed to the life of the girl. Not only are these alliances fake, but completely initiated to get a fat dowry from the girl’s father or get a highly qualified girl who is earning lakhs in a monthly package.
And the worst part is that since the alliance is fixed through a newspaper without any intermediary, nothing can be done when the in-laws start harrasing the girl for dowry immediately after marriage. Even the property claims made in the ad turn out to be a hoax. The in -laws are not under any pressure from the intermediary to behave nicely with the girl and do anything within their limits to extract ,money from her parents, which was their true motive behind the marriage.
As far as talking about qualification, work profile,likes dislikes, cooking, complexion etc. is done between two families it is some fine, the biggest curse is when families start talking about dowry or money. if we can eliminate this, all marriages are bound to be successful and not just compromise.
Its true that matrimonial service providers play a key role in making the successful marriages.These days online matrimonial search is on the rise and almost every person in search of an ideal spouse posts his/her profile on matrimonial websites. We need to keep one thing mind, Matrimonials websites are not meant to find the best match, but to bring the possible matches. It is up to the individual to make use of the info available.